it's like a hundred thousand voices that just can't sing

[aliceylain]

I have been in a fandom creative slump for around two years and it's started to drive me nuts.

I used to be mildly creative and I seems to have lost that temporarily. When I was in the Harry Potter fandom, I wrote a little fanfiction, maintained a couple of websites, and helped out with FictionAlley. When I was in the Prince of Tennis fandom, I wrote a ton of fanfiction, did some comics, and role-played some. When I was in the One Piece fandom, I wrote a little fanfiction, did some comics, and role-played a ton. And even until recently, I was doing comics, whether they were fandom-related or not.

But a couple of months ago, something switched off in me and I stopped doing comics. I've been struggling with some Utena fanfiction for ages but haven't gotten much anywhere. In short, I just feel stuck. I don't feel particularly part of any fandom and haven't for around two years. I mean, I though Community was going to be my next thing but that didn't pan out. Same with Doctor Who. I'm at loose ends and I'm not even creating anything anymore. I'm just blindly consuming without any sort of dialogue with any other fans. Where did my dialogue go?

I don't know if I'm going to get my drive to create back anytime soon, which saddening to think about. I just don't feel anchored in any sort of fandom. There are series that I enjoy, sure, but I'm not entrenched in them. I want to be entrenched again but I don't know how to consciously do that. Before, it's always felt that I just feel into a fandom without even trying. Maybe part of this is because fandom seems to have moved mainly to twitter and tumblr, where communication isn't always the easiest. Maybe part of this is because I'm older and have other interests taking up my attention (gardening, cooking). Maybe part of this is that I'm more reluctant to blindly reach out to people nowadays. Or maybe it's some other undefinable thing that's holding me back. I just wish I could fall into a fandom again and feel that spark.

Does anyone else feel like this? Does anyone have any suggestions?

Comments

[gramarye1971]

Oh, I totally know where you're coming from. I've always felt that my creativity is like a well, where there's only so much of it and I can't draw more than what's available until it's been replenished of its own accord -- and sometimes that replenishment rate is not as fast as I would like. I had a writing slump for about three and a half years, where I simply didn't have the creative flow going and nothing seemed to inspire me. I was doing a job (editing) that required just enough energy to be a constant drain on my creative well and not leave it any space to replenish it.

The only thing that really got me going again was actually finding my next big fandom, where I felt like there was a lot of scope for me to write about things that canon didn't address. (In my case, it was Hetalia, which gave me pretty much all of history to play with.) I couldn't force it, and wasn't expecting it, but one day I found myself noodling around with a fic idea and writing it that way. It also helped that the fandom had an anonymous kink meme (where the stories weren't required to be sexy, thankfully), so I could pre-flight fic and respond to other people's prompts (like a fic exchange, in a sense) and overcome my worries about posting something that other people might not like. (The immediate feedback culture of the kink meme style was very helpful, too.)

I don't know what advice I can give you, except to say that if you try to push yourself to create -- as I tried to do -- you will pretty much make yourself miserable. So it's the sort of thing that I think you may have to let find you, as unhelpful as that is. I wish I could do more to help!

[aliceylain]

Yes, yes, yes, you've got it exactly! For some reason, it can't be forced, it just happens. And finding the next fandom love just happens too. It has to be the right fandom too, with scope for further story outside of the narrative, like you said with Hetalia.

I wish you could do more too. I'm just impatient right now and want the love to happen. Which is silly because there are plenty of things that I'm following that I love right now, but nothing that makes me want to reach out and communicate that creatively. But I shall persevere! If this is the worst thing to happen in my life, I've got things pretty well made.