WHERE ARE YOU? she screams.
WHERE ARE YOU?
The beauty of the internet is that if you want you disappear, you can disappear. You can be an image, an avatar, an archetype, a spark and then when you can't handle it anymore or you're too bored or too frustrated or too much you, you simply cease to be. All you have to do is be silent. Then you can become someone else if you want. You can control completely who you interact with and sometimes it's intentional and sometimes it's an accident but it's always in your control. Who do you want to be and who do you want to interact with?
I've never been one who's been able to become someone else. I've put too much into this internet identity, however much it matches my actual identity or not. A couple of times, I've tried with sockpuppet accounts for certain communities and it's just too much work. I'll always be this me on the internet. I could disappear, I guess...I have disappeared at various points. But if I do disappear, it won't be forever because again, I've put too much into this identity. I have to come back. I've built something and it's mine and I'm selfish enough to want to keep this spark alive.
There are people I miss, even though I only really knew them through internet friendships. Sometimes I want to email them, say that I'm still here and I still want to listen. But I don't because I'm still hanging onto something when all they want to do is hide. How long do you hang onto something that the other person isn't acknowledging? So I stay silent and when I remember them, I hope.
I will stay here and I will always stay here. I always want to talk to you. I'm horrible at timely responses and I'm horrible at emails and I loathe chat programs but I always want to talk to you. I will try harder to be less horrible at communication and I will try harder to be more with my internet identity, because I surely know that I'm not as entertaining now as I have been in the past. Please log back onto dreamdwidth, livejournal and see this. I will be here.
For those of you who are already here, thank you. Please stay. Please stay.
(It may seen incredibly, incredibly hypocritical to post an entry about missed relationships and communication and not allow comments on the entry in question. But asking for important things is hard and it scares me. What can I say, I'm full of contradictions about how I feel because I want to talk and I don't want to talk and you know. If you're someone who has been hiding and wants to get back in contact or if you just want to talk about this post in general, reply to any other entry on this journal or you can email me at alice.and.lain@gmail.com. I will get over myself for you. SHIT SHIT SHIT NEVER MIND, FOUND SOME COURAGE. Sorry for being completely embarrassing all over your reading lists.)
WHERE ARE YOU?
The beauty of the internet is that if you want you disappear, you can disappear. You can be an image, an avatar, an archetype, a spark and then when you can't handle it anymore or you're too bored or too frustrated or too much you, you simply cease to be. All you have to do is be silent. Then you can become someone else if you want. You can control completely who you interact with and sometimes it's intentional and sometimes it's an accident but it's always in your control. Who do you want to be and who do you want to interact with?
I've never been one who's been able to become someone else. I've put too much into this internet identity, however much it matches my actual identity or not. A couple of times, I've tried with sockpuppet accounts for certain communities and it's just too much work. I'll always be this me on the internet. I could disappear, I guess...I have disappeared at various points. But if I do disappear, it won't be forever because again, I've put too much into this identity. I have to come back. I've built something and it's mine and I'm selfish enough to want to keep this spark alive.
There are people I miss, even though I only really knew them through internet friendships. Sometimes I want to email them, say that I'm still here and I still want to listen. But I don't because I'm still hanging onto something when all they want to do is hide. How long do you hang onto something that the other person isn't acknowledging? So I stay silent and when I remember them, I hope.
I will stay here and I will always stay here. I always want to talk to you. I'm horrible at timely responses and I'm horrible at emails and I loathe chat programs but I always want to talk to you. I will try harder to be less horrible at communication and I will try harder to be more with my internet identity, because I surely know that I'm not as entertaining now as I have been in the past. Please log back onto dreamdwidth, livejournal and see this. I will be here.
For those of you who are already here, thank you. Please stay. Please stay.
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